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Death, guilt and the concern for letting people down

I was watching a show the other night and it got me thinking about death, guilt and the concern for letting people down because of our lack of sincerity. We either know or feel an invisible truth but fear holds our tongue.

We aren’t honest because we know it will hurt. Or maybe, we just don’t know what to say-we try to think of words to dance around the reality of truth instead of getting comfortable accompanying someone in the pain.

We don’t want to cause hurt or conflict-that is not our natural instinct. Instead, we say nothing. And we know we are letting someone down by not being truthful…because we don’t want to be the cause…the reason…the blame for the pain, the hurt, potentially the hardest day of someone’s life. We don’t want to be that reason.

And then guilt shows up… because we go against our values, our morals…what we would hope someone would do for us-given the same circumstance-to ask for their strength in the adversity of our pain.

So who are we truly letting down? What do we gain by remaining silent?

We can be so cruel in our own thoughts when we dance in that ‘in between’.

The reality is we can’t fix it, no matter how far we try to distance ourselves from it. It’s hard. It sucks. That responsibility is so the opposite of easy…

As challenging and difficult as it is, leaning into that fear, companioning someone in their loss, accepting there is no ‘happy place’ to hold someone in or bring them to and sharing that pain can and does help.

Those ever changing sea of emotions on the path between the old reality and the new one that is about to be forged-there is connection and strength in sharing that space.


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